A Journey to Self

(republished from an original diary entry ).

I first wrote this journal entry over three years ago. It just goes to show, that our journey towards our own true Selves, is a long and winding one, that has no end point. You don’t get to wake up one morning and say, “O good! I’ve learnt it all! Here I am world!”….

The bridges burn behind me

as I walk to the centre of my own truth.

I feel the heat hit my back, clawing at me to turn around, 

but still I journey on. 

It is but my magnificent manifesto that I seek. 

To stand sentient, would mean to give up possession of the glorious power I hold within. 


I've been on a journey.

Well, actually I'm still journeying, and to be honest I think I will be for quite some time. When I hit 30 I knew I had to make some changes. I was a young mum- having the boys at 21- and although I gave them everything I could, I knew I wasn’t doing the same thing for myself. I felt hollow, I felt directionless, I was questioning my purpose- my soul purpose- and I knew from deep within that I could no longer deny myself. It was time to listen.

So, in that, Ive been slowly moving away from my own negative self-talk, from outside influences, from surface-level friends, from those that don't know how to support me in this time of change. Ive granted myself release from the nay-sayers, the 'busy' ones, the runners, the consumers, the sleeping souls. It has at many times, been confronting, maddening, sad and sorrowful. But I knew I had to find that which makes my heart sing, I knew I had to disconnect to Connect.

So I did, and I have, and now I stand here in this space slowly unfurling.

And the funny thing that I have learnt from all of this so far? It is that it is far from lonely here. It is beautiful, it is heart filling joy coming from the trees, and the birds, and the crisp morning air. It is long, long stretches of silence that are filled with a sense of peace and purpose. Allowing yourself the space to disconnect from that which doesn't serve your higher self, is a type of freedom; a deep, joyful life-affirming freedom that gives space for the magic to make itself heard, and felt, and seen.

It is beautiful here x

hayleygemma rose